Caw Said The Crow

Was that Max Wall playing up front for United tonight?

Its That Man Again
So Obama has finally checked George out of the White House and good luck to the bloke at least he can string a sentence together! I'm less chuffed with the good old BBC though. How many times do we need telling that Obama is the "First Black President". In fact he's mixed race so if you want to get really silly he's half white and half black. Every interview and recruitment course I've been on has told me you must at all costs ignore the colour of a candidates skin (quite rightly) the fact is how they can do the job. Which part of this does Auntie not understand. Last time we had someone groundbreaking in No10 it was 1979 and we all know what happened then! Hopefully the same won't happen across the pond so can't we just forget whether he's black, green, pink, yellow or whatever and let him get on with the job, first part of which will be trying to repair the damage the previous tenant was responsible for.

Its That Man Again 2
There I was taking Zappy's advice tuned into Chris Moyles on Radio One and then suddenly there he was again!! Our friendly interfering taxi driver singing "I'm a Secret Lemonade Drinker". live on my radio. Moyles or Wogan I think the comedy Taxi man gets my vote, give him his own show immediately!

Question:
If one synchronised swimmer drowns do the rest have to drown too?

Sport
Manchester City's bid for Kaka has fallen through so they've signed Craig Bellamy does that mean they've settled for Kak instead

There was outrage at Buckingham Palace today over an exclusive article in the Daily Chip Wrapper Britains best selling comic. Reporter Ivor Packet revealed that HRH Prince Charles had spent years calling one of his polo buddies Sooty. Public condemnation for the heir to the throne was quick to follow with Mrs Ada Scroggins of Mandela Towers Neasden saying "I think its disgusting that he calls one of his mates after a small yellow bear that spends most of its day with someones hand shoved up its bottom!" At the time the paper went to press Sooty's companion of many years Harry Corbett (not to be confused with Harry H Corbett) was unavailable for comment. (Mainly due to the fact he died in 1989) - Bye Bye Everybody Bye Bye

One day a father on his way home from work suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's 5th birthday.

He pulls over and finds a toy shop and asks the sales woman, 'How much for one of those Barbie Dolls in the shop window?' The sales woman answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for £19.95, Shopping Barbie for £19.95, Beach Barbie for £19.95, Disco Barbie for £19.95, Ballerina Barbie for £19.95, Astronaut Barbie for £19.95, Skater Barbie for £19.95, and Divorced Barbie for £265.95.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie £265.95 and the others only £19.95?

The annoyed saleswoman rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

There I was with a loaf of bread and a packet of egg noodles (don't ask) while the woman in front had three plastic coated bags full of shopping. The check out assistant gave her 10 club card points for being green and not using carrier bags but when I pointed out I was greener as I didn't need a plastic coated bag at all she gave me a vacant grin and my change

So the best we can find for a headline is a 3 year old video of Prince Harry joking about one of his mates, sounds like a slow news day to me. Best coverage I heard was on Five Live where the man from the Times who was complaining about the use of the word "Paki" was told by the presenter to stop using it so much because he might offend someone

After sitting through an excruciating half hour in the company of Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber on BBC1 I found myself asking just one question Eurovision Why

Well London's orbital car park did its best to mess up us Hertfordshire folk this morning. Closed both ways it created chaos on the journey to work. Stuck in traffic that snaked off into the fog I turned on the radio to be greeted by Mr Wogan's dulcet tones. Saying something about the cold and brass monkeys our Tel was suddenly interrupted by a gruff voice saying "I bleedin know can't see anything but cars been in it for 15 minutes now." Staring at the radio I feared the BBC had been taken over by terrorists until Tel returned larger than life with another missive from the superbly titled Chuffer Dandridge. It didn't last long though until our taxi friend was back giving it a rasping "Oh Yeah" in the middle of the latest from James Morrison. Before the song ended I was treated to a particularly X certificate joke I dare not repeat on here. He saved the best until last though as finally the traffic began to clear and we approached a runabout I spotted the taxi two cars in front but before he turned off it was time for the nine o'clock news. As another sad report from Gaza came to a close the reporter finished with the line and the Archbishop said only to be interrupted by a gruff voice yelling "Thank gawd for that take it easy mate." Classic stuff never have I enjoyed a traffic jam so much, hopefully next time the M25 does its stuff my taxi mate will be within range he certainly gave Wogan a run for his money

2009 has not started well, the Power Shower has died after the knob broke off in 100 pieces and Mrs M's steam iron blew up last night showering the kitchen ceiling. Can I have 2008 back please

School inspection service OFSTED have launched a new study to prove once and for all that the Pope is a catholic. Their latest groundbreaking piece of research comes hot on the heels of a project that revealed the amazing fact that children learn more if their lessons are interesting. A spokesman for OFSTED told the worlds media "we have lots more projects in the pipeline before the year is out we are going to prove that night follows day and that Father Christmas doesn't exist before returning to see if the Pope really does wear a pointy hat!"

Yes you can say it was my own fault but I let Mrs M drag me into Curry's yesterday. Within 30 seconds of approaching a mind boggling row of flat screen TV's (LCD, Plasa. Sony, Lg, Samsung,Oke Kokey etc) we were pounced upon by our first salesman who started with the usual "Can I help you with a TV" and when he'd got the usual frosty reception came out with the classic "I didn't want you to feel you were being ignored"!! I'm glad to say its not just me being a Grumpy Old Man (Although I now have the mug to prove it thanks to Santa) as the Little Boss said "Why do they do that Dad don't they know if you want help you'll go and ask them otherwise they just wind people up." Yep that's my girl!!

What has happened to TV advertising A few years ago it was all "Beanz Meanz Heinz" and the "Milky Bars are on me!". Now every advert break is full of ads for sofas (Buy Now Pay 2050!) and beds. What do these people think we do?? Of all the purchases you expect to last a few years surely those are two, along with the dining room table and the new kitchen.I suppose at least we're now free of that annoying bloke from the Halifax with the thick specs and the dreaded Ocean Finance who would consolidate all your debts into one handy loan. Now they must have seen the light, especially when Alistair Darling nicked their business model!

1. Get Fit
2. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life
3. Start Blogging Again.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL