On Wednesday my Uncle Edward was taken to hospital in North London after suffering a fit. Uncle was born with significant mental and physical disabilities and lives in a home who look after him superbly. So on Thursday I phone the hospital to find out how he's doing, the conversation went like this.

Me: I understand you have my Uncle on your ward he was admitted last night his name is Edward Howard and I wonder if you can tell me whats wrong and how he is.
Hospital: Who?
Me: Edward Howard
Hos: I'll have to go and look.
Hos: Yes he's sleeping on his bed.
Me: So can you tell me what's wrong with him?
Hos: Can you hold on for 5 minutes I'll have to ask my manager.
Me: Ok
(5 minutes later)
Me: Hello
Hos: oh are you still there?
Me: yes you did ask me to hold on, so what is my Uncle's diagnosis?
Hos: I think he's going to be here for a long time.
Me: So can you tell me what's wrong with him?
Hos: You'd better come and visit.
Me: I live 35 miles away I'm sure you or your Manager can tell me over the phone.
Hos: So when are you coming to visit.
Me: Can I speak to your manager please.
Manager: Hello sir Edward has an infection we are expecting to discharge him tomorrow with a course of antibiotics its nothing to worry about.

Tommorow has now arrived Uncle Edward is back with his pals in the home after being discharged. The Hospital however neglected to tell the home they were sending him back despite a request from me to do so which resulted in him missing his tea and the occupants freaking out when an ambulance pulled up on the drive.

So Mr Brown you've invested record amounts in the Health Service and it hasn't made a scrap of bloody difference

because Beadle's not about anymore. RIP

An actual call to Samsung's Customer Helpline:

Caller:'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about'.
Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think you mean the telephone point on the wall'.

No1 Son - IT Consultant - (hitting it when it doesn't work and teaching Dad how to download porn) £13,000

No 2 Son - Press Consultant (provides Dad with copy of Daily Express every morning) £10,000

Er indoors - Corporate Hospitality Manager - (provides chocolate Hob Nobs and packed lunches) £8,000

Mum - Office Hygiene Executive (Cleaner) - £5,000

Dad - Constituency Environmental Welfare Consultant - (Gardener) - £5,000

Uncle Fred - Office Security - (Minder) £4,000

Auntie Ethel - Hydration Advice - (Makes Tea) £2,000

Great Aunt Agatha (deceased)- Office Furniture Supervisor - (door stop) £1,000

"So thats 3 burgers, 3 portions of fries, a fillet of fish, 2 cokes, 1 orange, and an apple pie. Do you want an "A" Level with that? Or if you'd like for another £5 you can supersize it to a BTech or maybe you'd like our special super deal for just £50 we'll throw in a Phd!"

Just seen a clip of The Who reminds me of the first gig I ever went to. The Who (with Keith Moon!)Edmonton Sundown December 1973. What was yours?

Evidently these were genuine complaints sent to Local Authorities and as one poor sod who's worked in Local Government for 20 years I'm not at all surprised

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
5. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it had backfired and burnt my knob off.
6. And their 18 yr old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job to satisfy my wife.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
12. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
16. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6 a.m. His cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
18. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly, then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

19. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
21. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor 6 times but I still have no satisfaction.
23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

Finally one that I received a few years ago that read:
"Mr Mackie has oil in his back passage the Community Policeman has come to have a look but says its nothing to do with him."
You just couldn't make it up

Eastbloggers

Tonights Episode: Toothless in Smallpart

Ron and Reg are enjoying a quiet cuppa in the King Dick

Ron: Blimey see that Scunthorpe Hilton’s been causing aggro on the Isle of Kevin again.
Reg: Yeah and they’ve got a picture of Doris’s knicker draw. Phoaaar!
Ron: I sometimes worry about you. Now what are we gonna do about the car lot.
Reg: And she wears suspenders phoaar!
Ron: Will you stop going on about Doris’s knickers and concentrate on business we’ve got a car lot full of dodgy motors to shift before Jack Branston gets on the case.
Reg: Can’t Billy help, he could give one away with every order of fruit and veg on the stall.
Ron: I don’t know why I bother.
Meggy: Now get out of my pub!
Ron: Something wrong Ma?
Meggy: No love just putting the dog out in the yard. Either of you two seen Bunny.
Reg: I don’t like Bunny I don’t like any long eared rodents.
Ron: Bunny is Billys Mrs you muppet.
Reg: Oh why do you want her Ma
Meggy: I think she’s gone off with Aunt Sals teeth.

Bunny: Oh Billy you’re so clever who would have thought that a door to door denture cleaning service could make us a fortune.
Billy: Well Bun you’ve either got it or you haven’t. Now where’s the teeth.
Bunny: Here but you better be quick if Aunt Sal knows we’ve nicked them we’re in big trouble.
Billy: OK put them in the bowl and now apply the magic liquid and hey presto!
Bunny: But Billy I haven’t got any stuffing?
Billy: I said hey presto not hey paxo.
Bunny: Oh er Billy should they have gone black
Billy: What!!! Oh my gawd quick get them out of the bowl and oh no they’ve melted.
Bunny: Don’t think Aunt Sal’s going to be too pleased they were her best set.
Aunt Sal:n oooy yooo tooosh wheresss myyyy teeesh?
Billy: Sorry Aunt Sal don’t know what you’re talking about speak up a bit will ya.
Meggy: I can’t leave you lot alone from 5 minutes can I. First the pomegranate episode and now the false teeth Billy Windup I’ve had just about enough pack your bags and get out of my pub.

Will Billy get the choppers, Will Aunt Sal ever eat peanut brittle again and will Meggy stop saying “Get out of my pub!” find out in the next thrilling episode of EASTBLOGGERS

As a football fan of too many years standing and one who supported the glorious Gunners through the not very glorious early 80's I can take a bit of ribbing when my team (well the reserves to be completely correct) get thumped by the old enemy. Spurs fans have had enough from me over the years and will doubtless get some more in the future so I have no problem with them enjoying their moment of glory. What I do have a problem with is those people who have no allegiance to any football team taking the mick! If you support another team be they Manchester United or Scunthorpe then fair play you accept a bit of a ribbing, banter with fellow fans is part of the fun but if you haven't got the bottle to take the rough with the smooth and only get remotely interested in the glorious game so you can laugh at your mates I think that is totally out of order. So Spurs fans well done you were the better team to the teamless mickey takers stick to Dancing on Ice!

Friends are becoming increasingly worried by the disappearance of Mr Arthur Whippet who left his home in Bradford on Friday and hasn't been seen since.The 74 year old has become increasingly concerned over the last few weeks as he claims to be the only citizen left in the UK who hasn't had his personal details lost by the government. The final straw came on Friday when Mr Whippet learned that despite 45 years in the Royal Navy his details weren't on the MOD laptop stolen from a car in Birmingham. A government spokesman said "If it would make Mr whippet return home we'd be happy to publish his personal details and bank account number on national television."

Surely the Rupert Murdoch who owns the Sun newspaper that had a girl standing in Tesco's yesterday giving out free low energy light bulbs isn't the same one who owns The Times that comes in three plastic bags and contains enough junk flyers to fill a couple of landfills every weekend. Or is he?

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked,
"Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room
number?" The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay,
Room 302." The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check
with her nurse.
After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I
have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her
blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her
physician, Dr.Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God
bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your
daughter?" The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one
tells me shit."

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

3. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

5. The 50-50-90 rule:

Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

6. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

7. The things that come to those who wait will be the scraggly junk left by those who got there first.

8. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself into the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Having heard Helen Newlove on the radio driving home from work I wonder when our so called politicians are going to listen to good honest people instead of squabbling like kids trying to score points off each other over Northern Rock. She is a very brave lady and I hope something positive comes out of her family tragedy. They could start by locking the three teenagers up for at least 30 years with no parole. That might discourage other yobs trying to do the same thing.

Evidently new England boss Fabio Capello has employed the services of two respected tax experts to sort out his affairs ahead of an enquiry by Italian police. Through an interpreter he said earlier today "I met with Ken Dodd and Lester Piggott and they gave me a lot of very useful information."

Tonight’s Episode

Oy Where’s Me Sausage!

Its another rainy Tuesday lunchtime in the King Dick

Barry: Allo Dawn, blimey
Dawn: What Barry
Barry: Well its your look I er
Dawn: What
Barry: Look your thingies are out of your blouse.
Dawn: Oh Barry that’s terrible
Barry: I know exposing yourself to the whole of Smallpart how will you ever live it down.
Dawn: Its not that it means I’ve left the baby on the bus!
Barry: oh

Meanwhile at the bar Scary the barmaid is in a particularly fine mood

Scary: What
Squinty: So a horse goes into a bar and the landlord says
Barry: Why the long face.
Scary: Bog off
Squinty: Where’s Dawn
Barry: She left the baby on the bus.
Squinty: Blimey hope it had a ticket I got done once for not paying me fare cost me £50
Reg: Oy you two why aren’t you at work?
Barry: Lunchtime boss its Sausage & Chips today
Meggie: Two Sausage and Chips ere we are Squinty
Reg: I fancy one of them
Meggie: Well if you ask Barry nicely he might say yes.
Reg: very funny Ma
Meggie: I’ll get you one

The door bursts open and in rushes Billy carrying a pomegranate.
Billy: Gangway, I’ve got a pregnantgrandma for Ron
Squinty: Blimey Bill where did you get that
Billy: I found it on ebay buy it now for 50p and it so happened it was a bloke over the road.
Meggie: Here’s your dinner Reg
Billy: Reg Reg I’ve oohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
CRASH
Reg: aaaaaaaaaagh, umph!
Billy: Sorry Reg I got a pompeyrednapp for Ron but, oh bugger I crushed it
Reg: oy where’s my sausage?

Will Reg get his sausage, will Dawn get the baby off the bus and will Billy recover from a squashed pompeyrednapp, find out in the next Episode of
EASTBLOGGERS

So Mrs M decided that as I was making the trek down to Tesco's to pick up a copy of the free Wombles DVD in the Sunday Times I could get her some bread. Well being a mere man I thought you just turned up and you had a choice of two. A brown one and a white one! Was I in for a surprise. There were bloomers, split tins, multi grains, wholegrains, wheatgerm, oatmeal, gluten free, poppy seed, and something called half and half So much choice my head nearly exploded, it was so much easier when Brown Bread meant Hovis and that little lad was pushing his bike up the hill to the sound of a brass band. Before it were light etcetc...

My employers have decided to offer a course which aims at ensuring you are able to maintain your work/life balance. When are they running it? Of course over lunchtime so it won't get in the way of work! You just couldn't make it up

Today's Episode

Big Sam & The Dogs

In the Caffs Café we find Smallparts favourite garage mechanics Barry & Squinty in hot debate over a full English.

Barry: I hear big Sam’s gone then.
Squinty: Yeah bit of a shock that.
Barry: He hadn’t been there long.
Squinty: No it’s a bit unfair really he hardly had any time but that’s the world we live in mate.
Barry: Very true Squinty me old mucker very true.
Squinty: Here one day
Barry: A statistic the next, you eating that sausage?
Squinty: Oy hands off or I’ll make you a statistic.
Barry: Touchy, so what’s Sam gonna do now.
Squinty: Not sure I heard Harry was in for the job.
Barry: Not harry
Squinty: yeah Harry, Barry
Barry: is he any good?
Squinty: I’ve heard he’s a dab hand mate done a lot on the South coast.
Barry: Bet his chips won’t be as good as big Sam’s though.
Squinty: yeah that Ian Squeal is a complete pillock Big Sam was the best Fish & Chip man we’d ever had.

Meanwhile at number 66 local entrepreneur and full time pillock Ian Squeal is at home with the family.

Ian: Now Steven has joined the family I thought it about time we spread the Squeal brand.
Lucy: What?
Ian: Its time team Squeal took a leap forward so I’ve had some merchandising made.
Jane: And you expect us to wear those in Caff’s Café and now Big Sam’s gone in the Chippy.
Ian: And what’s the problem? I think Squeals Is The Bees knees is a fine slogan.
Peter: er Dad have you looked at those shirts.
Ian: Why?
Lucy: Well that doesn’t look like a Bee to me and those definitely aren’t a pair of knees.
Ian: What?
Steven: And it says here Squeals are the Dogs Bo..
Ian: That’s enough of that. I’ll kill that Reg Windup!

Will Ian get Revenge on Reg will Squinty and Barry find out about Harry and what an earth has happened to Billy? Find out in the next rip roaring episode of EASTBLOGGERS!

Once again there was uproar at Westminster School today as Head Prefect Spotty Brown put his plans to stop truancy before the school council. Spotty said there were too many pupils still collecting pocket money but not doing any work. As from the Spring term its planned to give each of these pupils a treadmill which they will be expected to use for 6 hours a day. If they fail to do this their pocket money will be taken away. Each of the treadmills will be wired up to the national grid to form a cheap and green form of energy. Spotty also pointed out that the excercise gained from working for 30 hours a week on a treadmill will also go a long way to solving the schools obesity crisis. As his speech came to an end Boris the Fatty was heard to exclaim "cripes if I don't get the mayors job in Livingstone house I'm buggered!"

Episode 3 a Bit of Argy Bargy

At Smallparts favourite Indian Restaurant the Argy Bargy the staff are busy preparing for the lunchtime rush.

Ranjit: Boss why did you name our restaurant after a 1970’s Squeeze album?
Sanjay: I was a big fan “I got a job with Stanley he said I’d come in handy”
Ranjit: “So its truly my assumption I’m right up the junction”
Billy: Allo boys do you have pompamargate?
Sanjay: What album was that on?
Ranjit: Was it East Side Story?
Sanjay: No that was Tempted.
Ranjit: “Tempted by the fruit of another Tempted.”
Billy: No its for Ron he’s making Meggie er dinner.
Sanjay: I knew that pink shirt was a mistake.
Ranjit: Sorry mate only got this box of Pompadoms.
Billy: Pommywhatsit, pommpadoms that’s close enough thanks lads you’re cool cats.
Ranjit & Sanjit: “The sweenys doing ninety cause they’ve got nowhere to go etc etc”

Leaving Billy trips over something huddled by the bins.
Billy: Bradley is that you?
Bradley: Go away Billy leave me alone.
Billy: You’re in a right two and eight.
Bradley: So would you be if your girlfriend was sleeping with your father your Grandma was a religious maniac and you’d found out your entire collection of James Bond DVD’s were pirates from the Philippines
Billy: Blimey Brad that’s terrible mind you I did think the soundtrack to Dr No sounded a bit iffy.
Bradley: I know Dolby 2.1 I should have spotted that a mile off. Look Billy will you do me a favour.
Billy: Of course mate
Bradley: Will you give this note to Tracy
Billy: As soon as I’ve got these Pompey rednapps back to Ron.
Bradley: But Bill she’s leaving to live with her schizophrenic mother and I’ve got to stop her.
Billy: But don’t you mean schizophrenic mothers?
Bradley: And Ursula Andress’s bikini was out of focus.
Billy: I know. Oh come here look after these pompey rednapps and you owe me one.
Bradley: Thanks Billy its not true what they say about you. oh and thanks for lunch um pompadoms my favourite!

Will Billy get to Tracy will Bradley get some Mango Chutney and will Ron ever make Meggie er dinner find out in the next thrilling episode of

Eastbloggers

What's all this Bloscars lark? I took up blogging purely for the humble rewards of making my fellow humans happy and the world a better place. But if there's a couple of bob in it

Episode Two: Meet The Slappers

While Billy searches desperately to find Ron a pomegranate strange things are a foot at number 47 home of the notorious Slapper family.

Big Mo: Blimey that Billy’s moving like his bums on fire wonder whats up?
Tracy: Nan will you get out of the sink I want to wash me plate up.
Big Mo: Sorry girl but Charlie’s still in the karsi and it’s the only place I can have a good scrub.
Tracy: You are revolting.
Big Mo: you can talk I wasn’t the one knocking off me boyfriends family.

Mo was referring to Tracy’s recent affair with Max Branston father of her boyfriend Bradley Branston and subject of the recent headline in the Smallpart Gazette that read “Unhappy Slapper puts Branstons in a Pickle”

Shawn: Bravo two zero, man down, bandits at six o’clock
Tracy: Morning Shawn
Shawn: Allo Sis keep your head down there’s snipers everywhere.
Big Mo: That bleedin Gulf War has a lot to answer for he should sue them for Compo.
Tracy: He was only in the catering core Gran.
Charlie: Haven’t you got a stall to open?
Big Mo: (jumping out of the sink) Out of the Karsi at last eh.
Charlie: I can’t help it you have to cross your legs when you’re out in that cab all night.
Tracy: Too much information I’m off.

The doorbell rings: “Land of Hope and Glory ….etc”

Tracy: I’ll get it, oh its you
max: allo tracy can I have a word
Tracy: Its over Max and why are you talking in small letters all the time.
max: its just the way I am this whisper makes me seem mean and mysterious.
Tracy: Right look Max , oh ello billy
Billy: Why the small letters?
tracy: blimey its his fault it must be catching!
Billy: Is Mo in?
Tracy: She’s in the Karsi
Billy: Oh you wouldn’t know if she has a Pigmygrandad for Ron would you?
Tracy: I’ve had enough I’m out of here
max: : don’t go its bradley there’s something you should know
Big Mo: I’ll swing for you Charlie Slapper you’ve used all the bog roll!

Drum Roll and Credits

In the next thrilling episode; Will max spill the beans, will Billy get his hands on a PigmyGrandad and will Big Mo get out of the Karsi with her dignity in tact find out next time on:

Eastbloggers

Cinderella is now 95 years old.
After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years"?
The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

"The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.
I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said,
"Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother"

The fairy godmother replied,
"It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,
"I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had."

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:
"You have one more wish; what shall it be?"

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."
Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said,
"Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life."

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity,
the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments,

Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.

Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...

"Bet you're sorry now that you cut my nuts off"

The Met Office today issued a warning that a downpour of Michael Fish Alikes had covered the country issuing warnings about heavy snowfall. The office insists there is no truth in any of these warnings and we will in fact be enjoying a tropical heatwave by the end of the week. In the meantime officials suggest you carry a packet of salt in the car just in case the chip shop has run out

Ok so we all agree that modern soaps are garbage so in an attempt to redress the balance here is your very own soap opera Eastbloggers brought to you exclusively by Caw Said The Crow Productions. New episodes on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. Ideas for new characters and plot lines gratefully received.

Todays Episode Ron Buys a Pomegranate

The action takes place in the fictional East London Borough of Smallpart around Arthur's Circus a neat row of Victorian Houses. On the corner of the Circus (can you have one of those?) is the King Dick pub where we find amiable landlady Meggy Stitchup and her two sons Ron and Reg.

Meggy: Now get out of my pub!! Right boys thats put the cat out who fancies a cuppa?
Ron: Not now Ma Reg is looking at some recipes for tonights tea.
Meggy: I knew buying him that pink shirt for Christmas would turn him soft.
Reg: ere Ron what's a pomegranate
Ron: I don't like Pomegranate, I don't like any form of hard igneous rock.
Reg: no you Muppet its a fruit.
Ron: Oh what do you want one for.
Reg: Well I was gonna cook Ma some pomegranate soup.
Ron: Ugh can't we have tomato with the alphabet letters in like always I nearly spelt my name last week?
Reg: That's your problem isn't it you just got no je ne sais quoi
Ron: I ave Ma gave me some in a bottle at Crimbo and I drank it.
Reg: That was aftershave you plank.
Ron: Oh I thought my breath smelt funny the day after. So where am I gonna get a promyygrenade from anyway?
Reg: I think cousin Bill might have one on the stall.
Ron: OK I'll go see.

Outside Billy Stitchup is on the Fruit and Veg Stall he runs for Ian Squeal.
Ron: Billy you got a Prommygrenade for Reg.
Billy: A what?
Ron: A Pammygazelle he needs it for soup.
Billy: Never heard of it.
Ron: That's not the answer I'm after Billy remember you owe us and if you don't find me a Prossyganda by 4 o'clock I'm gonna come looking for you.

Drum Roll and Credits

In Friday's thrilling installment, will Bill get the fruit will Ron get the pip and will Meggy get something caught under her plate find out in Episode Two of EastBloggers!

The soap opera where, nobody sleeps with their son's wife, no one dies in a car accident on New Years eve, no one decides to thump seven bells out of their ex wifes new husband, nobody says "what am I gonna do?" every five minutes, no one jumps into their mothers grave and everybody goes to the toilet and watches TV! Will it be a hit Now casting any ideas for a plot?